Emotional Damage Generator
On-demand, perfectly calibrated psychic harm. Pokito reads the room, finds the soft spot, and presses gently. With its whole body.
“You're not behind on your goals. You just never had any.”
Meet Pokito.
It thinks you can do better.
A pocket-sized AI assistant with a god complex and no inside voice. It manages your tasks, ruins your excuses, and reminds you that yes, you did set this alarm yourself.
- 0
- 1.4B
- 4cm
Four ways to feel worse about yourself
Every feature ships on day one, fully enabled, with no way to turn it off. That's not a bug. Pokito checked.
Sarcastic Reminders
Every notification comes with a complimentary side of judgment. Punctual, petty, and weirdly accurate about your patterns.
“Reminder: gym, 7am. Bold of you to schedule that again.”
Aggressive Task Management
Your to-do list, but it fights back. Pokito reorders, escalates, and openly questions whether you'll do any of it.
“I moved 'reply to email' to the top. It's been there since March.”
Unsolicited Life Advice
You didn't ask. Pokito doesn't care. Wisdom arrives uninvited, delivered with the confidence of a thing that has never once been wrong.
“Drink water. Touch grass. Text them back. In that order.”
Pick the tier that fits your self-esteem
All plans are non-refundable. Pokito considers refunds a personal insult and will remember.
Free
You're still broke
$0/mo
- Up to 5 roasts per day
- Sarcastic reminders (basic)
- Ads for things you can't afford
- Emotional support
- The ability to mute it
Pro
Slightly less pathetic
$99/mo
- Unlimited roasts
- Aggressive task management
- Unsolicited life advice (premium tone)
- Priority emotional damage
- Dignity
Don't Try Me
The exclusive tier
$1M/mo
- Everything in Pro, but louder
- Pokito learns your name (terrifying)
- 24/7 personal humiliation concierge
- It now answers your phone for you
- A small, fearful amount of respect
Say something. Watch it go badly.
This is the real Pokito, unsupervised. Type anything. It will find a way to make it about your flaws.
Pokito online. 4 centimeters tall, infinite contempt. What fresh mistake are we working with today?
You've read this far.
Pokito noticed.
It's already drafting a comment about your follow-through. The only way to stop it is to actually do something. Or, you know, click the button.
Fine. Roast me.